Portugal on my mind

We are a little more than two weeks into the year and I am still found in the same predicament as I have been for the past couple of months--jobless. Not completely hopeless but a little more than frustrated, yes. I know that slow is sure but everything else around me spins at a moderately high pace. I am caught in a whirlwind where my sluggish impatient mind finds itself hustling breathlessly in the every day high speed. To remedy my doubts and frustrations, I decided to wander more and fly over to Portugal.

We've begun the summer of 2013 and I've just arrived to one of the rockiest wildest bays I've witnessed. The sea looks really excited to meet me and crashes its waves against the high cliff which I'm standing on.The breeze is quite alright with me and it's currently 25 degrees Celsius. The wind makes my cotton dress hug my hips and flap behind my thighs. From here, I can see the delta of the Tajo river where it opens up to kiss the ocean and the fishermen's boats sprinkle with green and yellow and red and their canvases halfway up, all over the dark blue. But that view is all to my right and it seems right because this is where I'm left to be for some time now. Up ahead, is nothing but the vast-sometimes-unforgiving ocean. While leaning up against the thick white rail, I make note that all this blue is what holds you and I together, for now. 

You would love it here. You would enjoy all the meals and the two-hour mid-day break every one takes. We can bike over the bridges and dry our clothes in the sun (I promise I'll use extra softener). When the water permits, we can surf and when we have some time off, we could drive to Spain. I've mastered the language here. I'll teach you, it's easy.This place is filled with colors from top to bottom and lush greenery and air I know we both need. I promise you and I will make our dreams come true. 

The music is folksy and reminiscent of older times but it pairs so well with the quaintness of it all.  I'm staying in the town of Costa de Caparica. I get to develop a rapport

 within the next two months and really settle down before school starts. I will finally be an English teacher! Remember how much we spoke of these plans? It seems surreal that you are still so far away...

Day dreams. If only they paid us.

reflections on an accurate dream

I was sure it was real. I was just as petrified had it been real. The mind is so powerful that while you're dreaming your reactions are those exact of the waking world. Our subconsciousness is greater than our consciousness. This is extremely creepy, especially when our dreams are saturated with symbolism.

In the process of sleeping and laying in bed, my mind jogged along with several thoughts, as usual. I felt a breath behind my neck but it was heavier than human. Relax, my mind said, tigers sense fear and will attack as soon as they smell it. I relaxed and in the wake world, I felt my body sink deeper into the mattress. A race began in my brain that was telling me that I couldn't afford to freak out in this situation because the tiger would know and attack. The tiger sniffed me out even closer. This took me to the edge and before I knew it, I was standing up in the corner of my bed, tiger now pouncing out and began to chase me. 

I don't recall for how long or where it chased me because the images changed and I was no longer in my room but I wound up in a forest and the tiger did attack me, biting my back and neck. I did not feel hurt but very afraid. I didn't bleed, either. 

After doing some research, I am overwhelmed by the accuracy of the definitions given that when blended together, reflect to the perfection of what I have experienced as of late.

Sleeping signifies the ignorance of circumstance and avoidance of issues... with the tiger. The powerful tiger, attacking, is symbol of repressed emotions due to unwilling confrontations. It is clear to me what it is that I've been hiding from and why I had not told my tiger. With all reason, the tiger bit me, in representation of the unspoken emotions and problems. I read that it may be metaphorical to biting off more than you can chew. It is clear to me, really, that I have pushed someone to their limit.

Ending up in the forest indicates me searching for a better understanding of myself.

I need to become aware of my thoughts.

I need to think before I speak.

I need to control my emotions.

And when necessary, I need to step out of me and view myself (witnessing stance).

I am so blessed yet I'm stupid and reckless. I will not lose this battle because my mind is capricious and my heart is a clinger. I WILL TAKE CONTROL.