what?

There are so many things that are thought of throughout the day. Which ones do we focus on? What to we spend our time thinking of? Maybe if we are too busy doing things we won't stop and think. Do we ever think? Or do thoughts just appear just because our subconscious can't properly filter what's significant?

I'm confused. I was so sure I had it under control but does one ever? It's easier to lose control of the wheel than to actually steer through choppy waters. Tough shit. And what's tough anyway? Nothing but a challenge. I recently discovered how hard I am on myself. I said out loud, "Life is not that serious". I'm not sure I believed myself but hey, fake it til it's real.

Turns out, I'm a perfectionist. A lousy one at that. Turns out that I'm obsessed with the little details that everyone chooses to look over. Work is work and it needs to be done as efficiently as possible... not perfectly effective. I laugh at myself because nothing will ever be perfect and perfection is nothing more than time consuming. How terrible. How much time I have wasted. Since I can't even focus half of the time, I'm expecting myself to finish something to the PERFECTION. How is this possible when I lose almost immediate interest with any said task. Ridiculous.

Again: LIFE IS NOT THAT SERIOUS.

Maybe I feel that I've lived too much and played too much and now that I want to get down to business I find myself being counterproductive. It's the way I leave things unfinished... Perhaps I zoom into things so much and so quickly that I then proceed to get bored once I'm done looking at it (not doing it, just observing). I am such an odd being.

Odd, like pairs of three and misunderstood like a five year old having a tantrum. I'm ignoring something inside of me. I'm too in touch with my surroundings and fail to listen to my mind-body connection.

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME.
Tunnel vision: at the end, what do you see? Me.

And this is nothing more but another zoomed in focus of subconscious insignificance.